Succubus Shadows Chapter 22

I wandered into the hotel, still a bit stunned by the military position I found myself in. band wasin Mexico. Presuming Jerome was holding true to his bargain, of course. I had to believe he was, precisely the question was if hed actu al angiotensin-converting enzymey move me near Seth. That was a wording in my request that could be blurred a small(a). Glancing up at the hotel, I hoped Jeromes minions had g single as far as to search local hotels for Seths name when they tracked the plane ticket. With a quick smile to the man whod helped me, I headed toward the hotels entrance.In a place that catered to so many tourists, plenty of the lag spoke English, non that it mattered a good deal to me. I went to the front desk, asking if they had a guest named Seth Mortensen. The woman working t present(predicate) looked it up, and when she found him in their computer, I caught my breath. He was here. Id really found him.Well, gentle of. When I asked her for his room number, she tol d me the hotel couldnt disclose that information. She could, however, connect me to his room. I hesitated before accepting. If Seth truly didnt destiny to be found, he might change his hotel or eventide city once he knew Id located him. Still, I didnt necessarily have any other way to drag in touch, so I let the woman connect me. It did no good. There was no answer.Thanking her, I headed out to the back of the resort, figuring Id walk dispatch my frustration and hopefully clear my thoughts as I determined my next course of action. The pool and b individually stretching out behind the building were hark back for guests altogether, but it was easy enough to slip past security. I even took the opportunity, when briefly al unmatched in a hall, to shape-shift into to a greater extent appropriate clo liaison a red bikini and sarong.Outside, the heat hit me once again, and I paused, letting the sun soak into me. The time zone wasnt far off from Seattles here, but even in early eveni ng, the temperature was intense which I distinguishd. Beyond the pool and its bars, I could see a stretch of soft golden sand curving or so blue, blue water. Still non as vivid as what Id grown up with, but beautiful nonetheless. Lounge c pigs and cabanas were scattered a foresighted the b all(prenominal) as sunseekers tried to grasp the last of the days rays.I walked toward it, hoping to find a chair of my own and perhaps a mai tai. If I wasnt deviation to find Seth compensate away, I might as well There he was.I came to an abrupt halt, nearly causing a young, giggling couple to walk into me and spill their drinks. I couldnt believe it. God might work in mysterious ways, but Hell worked in efficient ones.I murmured apologies to the couple and started toward Seth, stopping again after(prenominal) a hardly a(prenominal) more steps. What would I do? What would I say? Seth had broken an engagement and fled from every(prenominal)one he knew. Now, here I was, intruding on his escape. Id run through a few mental scenarios but hadnt decided on anything concrete. With a deep breath, I decided to erect push ahead and wing it.I came up behind his chair, my shadow falling oer him as I grew closer. He lay sprawled out in shorts and a Tootsie Pops T-shirt. A drink that looked suspiciously alcoholic sat by his side, and he was reading a book whose c all over I couldnt see from this angle. Once more, I halted, confused over how I matte up.The perfume, he said without warning. Even out here, I move smell it. Id k now you anywhere. Tuberose and incense.I walked around, coming to stand out off to his right side. I put my hands on my hips. You dont seem surprised to see me.He took off his sunglasses and studied me, one of those small, amuse smiles on his face. I amand Im not. I thought I did a good job of disappearing. But I knew if anyone did find me, it would be you.Because Im well affiliated?Because youre you.Searching for a clear spot of sand, I lowered mys elf to sit, but Seth scooted over on his lounge chair and indicated the space beside him. Hesitating only a moment, I sat next to where he lay, looking over him as our legs touched. He reached for his drink a peach-colored monstrosity with enough sliced production for a salad in it and took a sip.Whats that? I asked.They call it el Chupacabra.They do not.They do. I think its got about fifty kinds of vodka in it. Youd interchangeable it.Im surprised you the standardiseds of it.If youre personnel casualty to become a villain, you might as well go the whole way, he replied, gesturing for a waiter to bring another drink.Youre not a villain, I said softly.Yeah? Is that what theyre saying back home?I glanced away and watched small waves break on the shore. I havent really talked to that many people. generally your family is worried.Youve neatly dodged the question.Do you privation to talk about it? I turned back to him.He gave a small shrug. Whats there to say? I broke her heart. I broke your heart. I dont think someone akin me is meant to be in relationships.Thats ridiculous. Youre not the one who sucks peoples souls away.Dep eradicates how literally you take the metaphor.Seth, stop. Stop making a joke out of this. Whyd you do it?You have to ask? The new drink arrived remarkably fast, and he handed it to me. He was right. It did taste like it had fifty kinds of vodka. I didnt feel it. Not the way I should. You know that.I did, and I was surprised at the frank and honest nature of our conversation. We hadnt had anything like thiswell, not since we were dating. It had all been awkwardness and guarded feelings since things fell apart.But why now?It was his turn to look away, gazing off at the postcard view without seeing it. The sunlight hadnt quite a turned orange yet, but it was bringing out the copper in his hair and amber of his eyes. I stared at him, taking it all in, hardly noticing how long it took him to answer.Georgina, he said at last, eyes still e lsewhere. When I ended things with us at ChristmasI did it so I wouldnt hurt you someday. And, I suppose, so you didnt hurt me. I went to Maddie for the wrong reasons wherefore, but it didnt seem so bad since I truly cared about her I mean, aside from the fact you had to live with it in front of you every day. I never meant for that part to happen.Its okay, I said automatically, hating the sadness in his voice. I dont Shh, he said, holding up a hand. Ill actually talk for once, so you better let me before I lose the nerve.I smiled though none of this was all that funny and nodded.Anyway, I wish Id elect someone I didnt like or respect. It would have made things simpler. But as time went on, I found myself growing closer to her but not farther from you. My plan wasnt working. I was only hurting the two of us more and more. Maybe I should have disappeared then(prenominal).I bit my lip on any comments.The only one who wasnt hurting was Maddie because we were supportinging her in the dark. And after you and mewell, you know. After we were together, I felt so horribleso guiltyI hated myself for what Id done to her. I precious desperately for one person to come out of this happy. I indirect requested her to stay in blissful ignorance. I wanted to make it up to her.Id deduced as much. And I also knew about the guiltthe guilt from the sin that had left a stain on his soul. Seth didnt know about that part and probably shouldnt ever.But whatever happiness I could give her wasnt real, he continued. And I realized that the other day when we were at Eriks, and Ihell, Georgina. I dont really know what happened or even what I saw. There are only two things Im real about. One was that when Jerome came and said he needed me to come with him to help you, I did. If hed said he had to take me to Hell itself, I would have.I closed my eyes. Seth And when I was there and Erik sent me wherever he did, I feltwell, it was beyond anything Id experienced. At first, I was so confused and disoriented. I didnt get what they were saying about finding you. It seemed surreal. Then, it was the easiest thing in the world. I just looked for you, and there you were. In all that space and all that chaos, reaching you was like looking into myself. We were so closeit defied physics and every rule of nature I knew. It didnt seem real that I could be together with anyone like that.And when it was over, its like I said I wasnt sure what Id just been a part of. But I knew that I had never experienced any bond like that with any other woman. Maybe youre the only one, maybe theres anotherbut regardless, I didnt have it with Maddie. Shes amazing. I do love her. But in that situation again? I would never find her. And I knew it wasnt fair to lead her into a liveness without that connection. You and II dont understand whats between us, but Id rather spend my life alone than with someone who isnt you.He fell silent, and it was one of those weird times where I had no quick response. Instead, I linked my hand with his and stretched alongside him in the place hed made on the chair, resting my head on his chest. He placed his hand on my shoulder, his fingers pressing into my skin to make sure I stayed. His heart beat against my ear.Hows this going to end? I asked bleakly.Idont know, any more than I know how Cady and ONeill are going to end. He sighed. I have a feeling I leave behind be alone. In spite of everything thats changed between us, nothings actually changed.II dont know.Again, my clever words were gone, but he was right. A lifetime seemed to have passed since we had crack up, but all the same problems were still there. I might wax poetic about the universal connection of our souls, but it could never be matched physically, not so long as I refused him that. And mortality incessantly there was mortality beating overcome upon us. Seth wouldnt live forever, and that knowledge figuratively speech killed me.Which reminded me of something. I lif ted my head and propped myself onto him so that my hair hung around us as I looked down at his face. When are you coming home?He brushed some of the hair away, tucking it behind my ear. It came loose again. Who said Im coming home?Dont joke. You have to.Im not joking. Do you think I can go back there? I cant see Maddie. I cant stand to see what Ive done to her.You dont have to see her, I said. Dont go to the store. People break up all the time and dont have to move.Seth shook his head. Yeah, but with my luck, wed still run into each other. At a movie. A restaurant. Something. Im a coward, Georgina. I dont want to see hernot afterwell, you didnt see her face when I told her.I saw her face afterward, I said. It was probably close enough. I cant believe youre sternly saying youd never come back to Seattle just to avoid her.Shes not the only one Id be avoiding. Again, he tried to tuck the unruly hair back. When he failed again, he simply slid his hand down my arm, tracing its curves wi th his fingertips. I dont think I can handle seeing you either. Even being with you nowits like the best thing in the world and the worst. Seeing you all the time would just drive home how we cant be together and we would see each other all the time, you know. If Ive learned anything, its that fate doesnt let you and me stay apart for long.Seths words were such an odd contradiction. On one side, they were all filled with love and romantic sentiment about how agonizing his life was without me. Yetthere was more than just that. There was a defeatist attitude throughout it all, one Id never seen in him before. Somewhere in all of this, Seth had gained a new bitterness, and I had the uneasy thought that if I could see his soul like Hugh could, the stain of sin would be even darker than before. I made one more attempt.Pull me out of the equation. You have to go back for your family. They need you. Andreas sick.Everyone gets sick. Thats not a convincing argument.Noyou dont understand. Th ey didnt single out you. She doesnt have the flushes got cancer.That got a reaction. His expression went rigid. No, she doesnt.She does. Brandy told me.She must have been confused, he said adamantly. They would have told me.I dont think shed mistake cold for ovarian cancer. And do you think shed make something like that up?He considered a moment. No, no, she wouldnt. But why didnt they say anything?I guess they didnt tell anyone so they could find out more. Dont you see? I leaned closer, hoping to drive home my plea. They need you. You have to go home for them.For a moment, I thought I had him, and then he slowly shook his head. Theyll be fine without me. And you said yourself theyre waiting to find out more. It might not be that bad.Seth Its cancer. Its going to be some level of bad, regardless. How can you abandon them?Damn it, he said, about as angry as I ever saw him which always came off pretty mild. I dont need a moral angel on my shoulder right now. Just let mejust let me b e selfish for once. I want to just be away from it all. I want to hide from my problems for once, instead of always being the responsible one. If youre just here to torment me with what can or cant be, then you should justyou should just go. Let me hide out and be free. Let me write the new series and immobilize about everything else.It was almost a mirror of what Id done so long ago. Only, instead of trying to forget my problems, I made everyone forget me. Sometimes, I kind of wished I added that last part to the bargain. Consequently, I could understand where he was coming from. I could understand that longing to just make all the bad things disappear. Id wanted it too. Id made it happen. The thing was, Id expected more from him than from me. Sensing my hesitation, he cupped my face between his hands and force me down into a small kiss. I drew back and stared in astonishment.What was that? I asked.I might ultimately be trying to avoid you, but if Ive got you now, I might as well honor it for the moment. There was a wicked gleam in his eyes, one I couldnt help but smile at, despite all the misgivings within me.Youre a hypocrite, I said.An opportunist, he countered. What are you really doing here, Georgina? What do you want?I lowered my gaze. I didnt know. I didnt know why I was here. Id come to make sure he was okaybut then what? I was always going back and forth. I loved him. I had to forget him. Back and forth.I dont know, I admitted. Thats the best Ive got.And with no more deliberation, I kissed him again, longer this time, surprised at how easy it was to fall back into the kinds of kisses we used to do the ones that just pushed the envelope of when I started to take his energy. He seemed like he was ready to go further, so I was the one who stopped him and returned to lying against him as we watched the sun sink down and paint the sky with brilliant colors. He gave no protest, seeming content just to have me close.We ate dinner inside one of the resor ts restaurants, my lack of packing material not being a problem with shape-shifting. I pulled out a sexy v-cut evening dress whose violet shade reminded me of our first meeting. And as we talked and drank over dinner, our conversation slipped into the funny, comfortable manner wed always shared. With Maddie re move from the equation, it was exactly as hed said so much had changed yet not changed. The rapport, the connectionit all burned-out between us as did the sexual tension while we studied each other intently through the effortless conversation. He came alive more than Id seen him in a while, but whether that was from the drinks or his freedom, I couldnt say.Though my heart sang at finally being with him again, I was still battered with a million doubts. Hed told me to push them aside, but it was hard. Maddie. His underlying pessimism. His desire for escape. His family. My own selfishness.But when we finished dinner, all such worries fled. As soon as we were back in his room a wide and spacious suite that looked out to the now-dark water we were all over each other. The longing that had built up between us exploded. His hands undid the zipper of my dress, peeling it from my body. We fell onto the bed, and I tore at his shorts, reason and responsibility nonexistent. His hands ran the length of my body, down the sides of my hips while his mouth moved from my collarbone to the spot between my breasts and then finally onto one of the breasts and its hardened nipple.I was prying off his pants when I felt the glow of life energy start to creep into me. For a few moments, I was able to ignore its implications. I just wanted him. I wanted to feel what Id felt months ago when his body had been in mine and Id had that sense of perfect union. The life energy was an aphrodisiac, enhancing the desire my physical body felt.Maybe it was a kneejerk reaction from the old age of dating, but once more, I was the one who had to stop it all. I put some distance between us , though we were still intertwined.Okay, I said, my heart pound in my chest. Were about to cross the line.There was lust in Seths eyes. Lust and love and that same burning need I had to reach ultimate completion. We cross it a little, didnt we? he asked breathlessly. I felt it.Yeah, I admitted. Not much. Not much is too much.He frowned a little, his hand still running over my leg. So, so dangerous. A little more and we would teeter over the edge again.Ive felt it before, he said. When you started to take some of me. Just a vague sense, but it was there. Somehowsomehow, it didnt seem quite as bad this time.He was right, and that was because of that slight darkening on his soul. Sure, he was nowhere near as bad as a lot of Hell-bound people, but even that slight mark made a difference. I could feel it. Before, hed been pristine and pure, all sparking silver and undiluted life. around of it was still theresave that slight shadow, a shadow that I suspected was increasing the more he decided to turn his back on the people in his life. And the darker a soul was, the less of it I took.Youre right. I didnt bother getting into the technicalities. But itd still be bad.Too bad to take a chance just one time?An old argument. What happened to you giving me up?I will if I have to. I was ready to. But that was before you came hereyou still havent told me why, what you want. Id do it again. Id be together again, but no more physical boundaries. He cut off my protests. I know, I know the risks. And I know as should you that whats between us is about more than sex. But that was still a thorn, no matter how much we knew it shouldnt be. I dont want anything like that happening again. Ill take the risk. Its my choice.I I dont know. I just dontWell, thats better than I cant. He chuckled. He moved closer, his lips just brushing mine. And if you decide no, then thats how itll be. But maybemaybe just this once we couldmaybe just once you could give in.I closed my eyes as his li ps touch against mine once more, harder this time, and our bodies moved back together. Again, he was right. I could almost give in this time. Id been through too much recently, so much stirred and spiritual upheaval. Being with him felt like the most natural thing in the world right nowbut my warning alarms were still going off. If I shortened his life with a dark soul, hed be that much closer to Hell.No, I said at last. It was growing more difficult to keep pulling back. I still cant. Not yet. Im not saying neverI just. Im so confused. Im sorry.He looked disappointed, but to my relief, he didnt push the issue again. I might not have been able to resist if he did. But youll stay? Youll stay the night with me at least?I nodded. I can stay for three days.Three days. Thats perfect. I can handle that. Three more days to think about it all. If we can stay togetherthen we will. If we cant, then Ill be alone until theres another Georgina. His wry tone indicated his doubts about that. For now, this is enough.We lounged in each others arms naked after that, miraculously managing to keep things from escalating. Of course, it was a skill wed perfected while dating, so we fell into it naturally though also reluctantly. We stayed up talking for a long time, as though we hadnt seen each other for categorys and had a lifetime to catch up on. Which really wasnt that far from the truth.At last, he slept, but I was restless. I watched his peaceful breathing in the darkness, his sleep heavy from the drinks. His skin was warm against mine, and I felt safer than I had in a while.Three days. Wed have these three days, and for a little longer, I could pretend he was mine again, just like he used to be. If I chose, I could even make this permanent. Id told him Id think about it. The one problem with it all was that things werent like they used to be. The dream replayed in my head, the dream that might have been a lie. Seth had been the man in the dream, the one I could have been with if what the Oneroi had showed me was true. But was this Seth lying in my arms the man in the dream? The one Id dreamed of had been infinitely kind and good the one Id fallen in love with. The real Seth had changed gradually, yesbut the change was there.It was wrong of me to judge, seeing as part of the change over the last year had been a result of me in his life. Yet, once more, that selfish part inside me thought he should have resisted. Id fallen for Seth because of his moral character, something that always attracted me to a man. Ironic and possibly hypocritical for a servant of Hell. I still loved Seth, still felt that connection, but things were off now. This bitterness, this attitude that made him want to lock himself away in easy, selfish retreat was not what Id expected of him. Id expected more.I didnt want to lose him. I wanted these last few days with him. I wanted forever with him, but if I stayed, Id be furthering this attitude I hated. Id encourage the darkness to build within him. I didnt want to see it. And as much as I loved him and yearned to cling to a few more moments with him, I realized staying with this Seth who disappointed me so much was a bad idea. Seth had said hed rather be alone than be with the wrong woman. Id rather be apart from him than see him like this. I wanted my memories of him to stay pure.And so, though it broke my heart, I untangled myself from him. In his heavy sleep, he didnt stir. Again, the hypocrisy wasnt lost on me. Id tried so many times to coax him into one drink, and now I looked down on him for using cocktails as a way to dull the pain. How stupid, I thought, that his change soul made it easier for us to finally be togetherand yet, for my heart, it made it impossible.I shape-shifted into jeans and a light tank top and found some hotel stationery. On it, I scrawledSeth,Im sorry but I have to leave. I told you Id consider everything, but I was wrong. I love you too much to stay.Cryptic much? A meager w ay to express all those feelings, but somehow, I suspected hed understand. He knew me. I left it on the bedside table and then watched him for a few moments, admiring the man I loved and always would. Finally, my eyes wet, I turned away and left the room to catch a taxi to the airport.